Wall Street wel­comed re­ports that SpaceX, OpenAI, and Anthropic are lin­ing up a his­toric 2026 IPO class with the kind of dis­ci­plined op­ti­mism usu­ally seen three vodka so­das into a bach­e­lor party. With SpaceX re­port­edly val­ued above $1 tril­lion and the two AI firms lum­ber­ing around in the high hun­dreds of bil­lions, an­a­lysts said the three of­fer­ings could raise roughly $200 bil­lion, of­fi­cially con­vert­ing the stock mar­ket from a mech­a­nism for price dis­cov­ery into a tele­vised cash can­non aimed di­rectly at any­thing with a founder and a god com­plex.

Bankers said in­vestor ap­petite re­mains “extremely strong,” which in mar­ket terms means every­one is sprint­ing to­ward the same door car­ry­ing a lit car­toon bomb la­beled AI. “These are cat­e­gory-defin­ing com­pa­nies,” said one IPO ad­viser, care­fully not adding that the cat­e­gory is now just “stuff you buy five min­utes be­fore ex­plain­ing to your spouse it’s a long-term play.” Traders cheered the list­ings as proof that the mar­ket is healthy, ra­tio­nal, and def­i­nitely not in­flat­ing a scream­ing la­tex sphere with a leaf blower in a room full of matches.